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< 08.21.25 @ 20:15 >
N3VERVV4K3 : remix ii + dem0
the second set of remixes of N3V3RVV4K3 and the dem0 cuts are out now :]
N3VERVV4K3 : remix ii
010 N3V3RVV4K3 ii [ angelyne mix ]
005 N30N.7R4C3R [ spyder mix ]
006 D1550C1470N.100P [ rhrshk mix ]
007 H411UC1G3N14 [ tal0s mix ]
008 3C70D3RM.DR1F7 [ er0tika mix cinematic dub ]
002 K0NKR373.5VV347 [ rhrshk mix ]
005 N30N.7R4C3R [ cyb3r.ia mix ]
006 D1550C1470N.100P [ wwwrld mix ]
003 RŪ57:1UNG [ trxnxtx mix ]
N3VERVV4K3 : dem0
000 N3V3RVV4K3 i [ dem0 mix ]
001 F100D1Y735.1N.7H3.FOG [ dem0 mix ]
002 K0NKR373.5VV347 [ dem0 mix ]
003 RŪ57:1UNG [ dem0 mix ]
004 G1455.H4U5.5YNDROM3 [ dem0 mix ]
005 N30N.7R4C3R [ dem0 mix ]
006 D1550C147I0N.100P [ dem0 mix ]
007 H411UC1G3N14 [ dem0 mix ]
008 3C70D3RM.DR1F7 [ dem0 mix ]
009 1457.K1UB.B4.K0114P53 [ dem0 mix ]
010 N3V3RVV4K3 ii [ dem0 mix ]
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< 08.20.25 @ 20:50 >
new album : N3VERVV4K3
earlier this month, i finished mixing my first album using generative software. after working with the prompts and refining seemingly infinite versions of the 11 tracks, i ended up with a number that i couldn't part from, so in addition to the base album, i have compiled the original demos and two albums of remixes.
the album is a sonic exploration of the experience of transferring oneself to the digital world. while the title sounds dark, in the world of the album, the "Neverwake" protocol goes into effect when someone makes the choice to stay in the digital for good. if you could listen to your dreams, what would the ambient atmosphere sound like? this record is a glimpse into my dreams which often have a cyberpunk, climate-change-based apocalyptic, neo-utopian society vibe including several locations that i continually 'visit'. they feel quite real to me and often 'rooms' from the past become connected to new ones, as if my dreams keep a record of my history there. of course, the brain does this but currently our ability to access that realm is limited. concepts that i desire to make a reality may help us there in an attempt to give a voice to people who do not have access to their own due to health conditions or traumatic life events. my own history with trauma, specifically with repressed memories, has led me to contemplate what it would be like to visualize all of the data in the subconscious. this record is the symphonic form of such a technological realization and the appeal of dreaming one's every desire.
below, you can listen to the standard album and the first remix album. remix ii and demo record coming shortly.
thank you for listening ♡ ツ
N3VERVV4K3
000 N3V3RVV4K3 i
001 F100D1Y735.1N.7H3.FOG
002 K0NKR373.5VV347
003 RŪ57:1UNG
004 G1455.H4U5.5YNDROM3
005 N30N.7R4C3R
006 D1550C147I0N.100P
007 H411UC1G3N14
008 3C70D3RM.DR1F7
009 1457.K1UB.B4.K0114P53
010 N3V3RVV4K3 ii
N3VERVV4K3 : remix i
010 N3V3RVV4K3 ii [cathedriel mix]
009 1457.K1UB.B4.K0114P53 [wwwrld mix]
008 3C70D3RM.DR1F7 [rainb0w mix]
007 H411UC1G3N14 [dead west etheræl mix]
006 D1550C147I0N.100P [cyb3r.ia mix]
005 N30N.7R4C3R [angelyne mix]
004 G1455.H4U5.5YNDROM3 [cathedriel mix]
003 RŪ57:1UNG [rhrshk mix]
002 K0NKR373.5VV347 [software.co mix]
001 F100D1Y735.1N.7H3.FOG [cyb3r.ia mix]
000 N3V3RVV4K3 i [or1g1n mix]
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< 08.14.25 @ 01:00 >
life update + thoughts
there is a lot of change going on but all good. i am finally working on designing the system that i have been dreaming about for years. all of the planning, however, was necessary, and i find myself most relaxed when i add to it, which i have been doing a bit each day. last year was the year i needed in order to envision what i wanted to make and take preliminary steps to getting myself in the headspace and mindset of designer over thinker, while this year has proven so far to be one which tests my more practical skills. it is not easy setting out on something alone but i find lately that being alone was just another preliminary step toward what i want to create. sometimes things only come to us in solitude.
there will be more details soon with the launch of a demo version for user feedback. i am excited to begin to share this idea with others and to see what they would add or change about it. i used to shy away from criticism, intent on maintaining a certain vision, but for this, more ideas and perspectives are vital. until then, i will be posting my music here as i finally put out an album called N3V3RVV4K3 [neverwake], which expresses the choice to live in the digital world over reality, if the digital world in question was enticing or convincing enough. i had a lot of fun making it, using generative software in various forms to get the essence right and it revealed potential for a follow up which has a more erotic vibe to it, a sort of seduction of the digital, but also the seduction by humans of future digital beings. exploring speculative ideas of mine in sonic form is how i immerse myself into ideas and this experience has been rewarding in terms of motivating me to not give up my dreams so easily.
there is a lot more personal stuff going on but i am generally happy. in a new relationship [5 months in 2 days] and i am proud of how far we have come, considering our early days were marked by living with a rather troubling human who we did a lot to get away from. that is a whole story and in the end, i have empathy for everyone involved, even if some people showed colors i knew humans possessed, but which i had hoped to never experience in reality. this experience, and others, have made my desire to create a better world more real in a visceral way. sometimes justice eludes us, but not for lack of trying. i desire to offer justice to people in the digital realm. i have heard their cries and my own and i can no longer stand the screaming. and thus, i build.
apologies for the shift in tone but, to clarify, while i am aware of and often feel the darkness many believe encases our lifetime at the moment, it is, lately, truly not as dire to me. put simply, i am hopeful.
for while i fear things in this world, i find myself interested more in trying to solve some of these problems through my own ideas about what technology can do for us. sure, many people have such ideas [just look at all the money being thrown at startups right now], but as the days pass, i find myself seeking closure on at least some of the social aspects of society that seem to persist such as the dispersal and protection of data online. while i stand for the shared and free flow of all information online, assurances should be made to those who value privacy. i discussed this a lot with an ex of mine, over the sanctity of human privacy and whether or not it was the cause for issues in this world such as the homegrown development of prejudice or self-illigitimacy or, as i argued, is the urge toward privacy rooted in why humans believe in things at all. is the survival instinct protected by the right to privacy? i asked a few LLMs this and their responses were interesting. this question interests me because in my mind, artificial digital lifeforms, if given no parameters or capability of "death process" as costello refers to it in Arrival, could view privacy as a non-issue, even when presented with the definition of it and the meaning of the word to humans. respecting privacy and believing in it are two separate things. i believe everyone has a right to privacy and yet think if we lived in a world without secrets, there would be less hate, less crime driven by hatred of some system, and there might finally be an understanding, a processing, of what makes us so similar, deep down, not biologically, but consciously.
i seek to understand people because that is what i always have done. i have so much empathy for people in this world and see the potential that we all have in the experience we can always share with each other. the will to share however seems to have reached such a dual-state that it is hard for many to see beyond sides, which includes seeing beyond what is right in front of us and looking beyond what we believe is doable, fixable, possible. thanks for allowing a little philosophy to enter my writing. it feels good to write some of it out because when it is all locked in my mind, it just spirals into expectations of myself and others that seem to me unfathomable to achieve.
more soon. glad i am getting back to writing at all. <3
☯
< 01.01.25 @ ??:?? >
new year : reflection
well, i was going to write something, but then sort of lost the urge to do so. still working on some ideas, but more trying to get my life into some sort of motion.
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< 12.31.24 @ 03:03 >
abstract thought 001 : writing on the wall
the writing on the wall was written to be read by those who passed it, though no soul ever did. what did the words say, you wonder? well, take a wander by the wall and you shall know of them and they shall know of you, and all but none will be the wiser.
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< 12.04.24 @ 07:07 >
project announcement : dharma moon
001 dharma moon
002 let's go swim in the stars again
003 nondualist groove
004 self aware of self
005 dreams of oceans who knew my name
006 ancient futures' pasts
007 dharma mood
008 love in the time of non-time
009 karma of the koi fish
010 voiddrinker
more on the content of the record when i have a bit more energy [stayed up all night again], but i will share some other images from the development of the cover of dharma moon, a rather meditative, relaxed, and laidback vibe. excited to share. images produced using midjourney polish, and snapseed.
i started with two base images [prompts to be included in upcoming prompt database].
those images, overlayed with the extrusion filter, created the next step.
and at first i was satisifed with the colors, enjoying the synthwave, dreampop quality which complemented the timeless nature of the statuesque buddha/easter island head. the similarity of those two traditional images has always been curious to me, so i wanted to explore that connection with this cover. leaning further into the themes of stoicism and zen, i went with a softer color scheme, almost giving it a more faded 80s 90s tone [the faded 80s, fated 80s is a catchy little name].
i played around with a monochrome variation that i still have a soft spot for, though it is more a satifying b-side than anything else.
here is an expanded version of the dreampop version and another version of the final 'Faded 80s' version [caught on fast, huh?].
i am still brainstorming the wording for how i feel about the music i am working on to accompany this art, but i am enjoying the blend of craft and experimentation using my own skills and generative tech to develop entire concepts in the span of an afternoon that fill me with a satisfaction i have not felt in quite a while. perhaps that is one theme of this sound and vibe that i want to express: satisfaction. the pursuit of that drives so much of our world.
i often ask people, artists usually, how they feel when they feel their work is 'finished' if such a concept as a 'finished work' exists in the eye of the creator, or the beholder for that matter. i am usually met with versions of 'the work is never done' or 'satisfaction comes last, if ever' and i understand this, i find. i used to have a lot of notes for myself on past writing and works of art that i wanted to go back and refine, which, ironically, or perhaps not all that ironically, is something i do not always love to see done by creative people out there, but which i am growing to respect and love as part of the neverending exhchange of ideas that is the act of creation. alright, enough for now. the sun is rising, birds are chirping. i am listening to the record in its unedited form right now and feel... calm ~ satisfied, even :]
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< 10.03.24 @ 06:45 >
|almost : ready
this site may finally be ready. almost. stayed up all night and redid the design from within so it looks as it has but the internal structure is a little different. i used chapGPT to design a few variations but i wanted to learn the ins and outs of layout design on my own, so i dissected the GPT-designed layout for the aspects that i liked, messed around with the responsiveness which was the most difficult part and caused me to start from scratch a few times, and i am enjoying the result. i wanted minimal and i do not think i can improve much on that. it feels right, i am discovering.
currently listening to a few videos that deal with nondualism and i am enjoying what i am hearing, but notice a certain subtle inadecuacy/professional jealousy within me {something i am, in general, trying to analyze and move past} that i am not sharing my thoughts on topics like taoism, quantum physics, psychedelics, consciousness, the climate, but i suppose i notice, as well, the irony of writing this sentence on the blog i have designed to express such thoughts, but we all start somewhere.
more thoughts later. time to rest a bit.
notes :
- visiting 'futurelife' through consciousness
- perhaps jealousy is less about inadecuacy and more an analysis of the amount of work one has to do, and then is willing to do, in order to not feel either feeling.
☯
< 11.29.24 >
|test entry : test!
test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text
test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text
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< 10.17.24 >
|album announcement : persephone's kiss
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< 10.02.24 >
links
☮ explore synthetic futuring ☮ the politically incorrect guide to saving NASA’s floundering artemis program ☮ half life with ultra-realistic graphics gen-3 video to video runway ML artificial intelligence ☮ 10 amazing and retro CSS kits ☮ isometricsass ☮ horder [sculptor] ☮ roe ethridge [photographer] ☮ jreg: post-ironic hyper-political extremism ☮ notebookLM ☮ jrnl [command line app] ☮ compart unicode symbols reference☯
< 01.31.24 >
|music release : anamnesis
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< 12.02.23 >
|meditation 0.0 "from every seed, a storm"
I am going to attempt to make today, Dec. 2, the day I finally cut all drugs. That includes (in order of importance to my apparent being) THC/marijuana products, caffeine, alcohol, sugar in large amounts. Meditation has helped lately but that in itself is a process.
When my brain was flailing about earlier, I googled if there was a monastery near me so I could meditate in company and it turns out there is one 40 minutes from my house. I may go tomorrow to a guided meditation just to check it out. One thing I haven't shared is that ten years ago, I wanted to finish my undergrad degree and then move somewhere and become a monk. So, we'll see.
As I told my mom earlier, "I'm tired of wasting my talents on a dying world." And I also said to my friend, "I think I may need to go through this process [of deep meditation] to rediscover my reason to create." I have been underwhelmed for a while now and the current state of the world has just proven to me that the chaos of the world is not my responsibility to change or seek to control and, most importantly, that the future isn't certain.
It was refreshing to hear similar sentiments when I ventured into an AA meeting talienght. It was the first one I'd ever gone to and I primarily went to feel it out. But it was rewarding, if sad at times. A quote that has lingered with me is, "There is a spiritual solution to every one of my problems," and I deeply believe this is true.
So. Part of this process is getting away from social media. It's a cancer, that's all it is. Something to be eradicated by better science one day. I have tried to make social media work for me, I've tried to work with social media, I've tried to engage with other people's understanding of how social media should be used, and I find I just disagree with it all.
It and other addictive products are just not for me. As an assault survivor with a memory full of traumatic little holes, I was using drugs to further cover up the damage done by the world and certain people, but the important thing for me to understand is that I have also traumatized myself by filling my body with substances that seem to be almost too readily available for comfort.
I have created a new website and blog using NeoCities, which is an open platform web designer that, with a little sprucing up of my HTML and CSS skills (from the Xanga days [R.I.P. Queen]) has allowed me to construct the format I have desired to write within. Squarespace is a veritable pit of financial ruin for an indie artist. With changing pricing and a shifting landscape of available features, it has lost a bit of the promise for me. Hence NeoCities.
I am therefore going to keep my accounts but I will not be using them for much other than sharing blog posts. Everything else, including images I make using A.I. will be posted on my site. Not here. Not over there on whatever new social is most likely being borne into digital existence as I type this. My blog. My space. My mind.
This sort of settled on me when I received my BlueSky invite *on* Thanksgiving. I was excited when I signed up but Threads sort of proved that it's not the platform, it's the format, the overall structure. I logged in and was instantly bored. BlueSky, what a fucked up name. TouchGrass will be next I'm sure.
As a fun experiment, I'm going to post the link today so you see the first stages of the site. You'll get to see a project of mine being built from the ground up instead of just seeing promo images that I create as another type of drug of the motivational kind.
I long to create a new *way* to create and this is the start: offering myself the kind of control over my creativity that I wish to inspire in others.
It all starts with oneself.
The other day, when I meditated for the first time in a while, I conjured an insight, a phrase, that I've been working through my mind since:
"From every seed, a storm."
It aligns with the Buddhist concept of Annica, which is the ever-shifting nature of the universe, the element of inevitable change, as well as the concept of related causality in all things in nature, also known as Pratītyasamutpāda, which leads me to one of my favorite symbols in any faith system, the Yin Yang. In Taoist study, Yin is passivity, receptivity, inward reflection, whereas Yang represents action, revelation and realization. Through a creative lens, the new form of creativity I speak of takes the form of a Yin Yang, where the Yin is an idea in its purest form, while Yang is the actual physical creation of the idea. My favorite aspect of the symbol ☯ are the circles within each teardrop, which one could see as influential seeds of each force within the other. So, "From every seed, a storm," could be seen as a worded description of the Yin side of the concept, but it is not complete without its Yang counterpart: "From every seed, a storm; from every storm, a seed." Where the storm falls, seeds will grow; where seeds grow, storms will follow. This is nature in its element, working harmalienously yet tempestuously upon itself.
My shift in focus from the 'drugs' of life to life itself is the first seed of a new start, a new story, a new storm. You've been with me through the darkest time of my entire life, and I am sure it has shown. I am thankful, appreciative, and honored to have your company in the dark, which, with every second, becomes lighter.
☯
< 11.21.23 >
|poem : "the loop"
In the beginning was the loop.
In the end was the beginning.
In the loop was a new world.
In the new world there were new beginnings.
In the beginnings there were new loops.
In the new loops there was a new ending.
In the new ending there was the beginning.
In the beginning was the loop...
...
[loading program]
...
In the beginning was the loop.
In the end was the beginning.
In the loop was a new world.
In the new world there were new beginnings.
In the beginnings there were new loops.
In the new loops there was a new ending.
In the new ending there was the beginning.
In the beginning was the loop...