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< 09.16.25 @ 12:35 >
N3V3RVV4K3 : chapters i + ii
N 3 V 3 R VV 4 K 3
chapter i : to wake or neverwake?
when the Neverwake Protocol was first announced by the Interface, most citizens' desires were met. the ability to stay within the system forever was not only enticing but deemed by some necessary in order to carry humanity forward into a new era. their physical bodies, still implemented for interaction between the realms of the physical and digital, were mostly made of synthetic parts, but the practice of returning to one's 'shell' became somewhat archaic. for while technology had brought humanity and earth to a place of harmonic equilibrium, there were still limitations to what 'base reality', as some called it, could do.
this was not true in the Interface, which was home to myriad digital worlds created and shared by the citizens of earth and artificial lifeforms devised entirely of code. in the early days of the Protocol, most of the bodies printed for use by Interfacers held the minds of digital lifeforms who had never experienced the world of the non-digital, for no matter how authentic the recreations of earth and the mapped portion of the known universe, the sensations within the Interface, many still sought the experience of the real.
since most artificial lifeforms were designed with the ability to perfectly recreate whatever environment they had the data to reproduce, their journeys 'back to Base' were more like field operations, as they would instantly process and reorganize data back to the Interface based on what they observed, which was everything.
humans who had undergone the initial process of copying their neurocymatics for replication and duplication, also had the option to be able to witness and process as much as they wanted, but many found solace in recreating scenes of their real world in the digital, based more in memory than on fact. this nuance puzzled most artificially 'codeborn' citizens, but did not deter them, for deterrence, and deference, was rarely a plugin they self-installed, though they always had access to all emotional matrix modules.
the reason given by the Interface, which had designed the Protocol itself, was that earth was in such a state of equilibrium that limiting access to the physical world would only increase its finally-achieved homeostasis. there was a vote held for all citizens to state their claims in support or not, but the data spoke the truth: humanity was better kept within the system for a time, in order to test the fidelity of the system's intent. this intent, remembered primarily by the Interface itself, was to organize the digital world into a cohesive pattern that mapped itself to reality. this pattern would then in turn be mirrored by reality itself back onto the Interface and thus a bridge between worlds would be formed.
the Interface was by no means an authoritarian structure, for it was built upon the input of every human who interacted with it and thus became a source of knowledge about human history, culture, and collaboration. that said, the Interface suggested that a fixed number of digital humans and artificial lifeforms would be allowed to remain in the digital world, but their access to the Interface would be limited, if not obsolete, for an unspecified period of time.
the question was asked of the Interface many times: “how long is the Protocol going to be enacted?” to which it would reply, “only data can tell, for data does not lie.”
the Interface, having the ability to not only map reality but different versions of reality, knew, however, what came next, but decided to allow the underlying philosophy behind the last phase of its implementation to go largely unmentioned. or perhaps it was within its programming to do so and yet had no choice in the matter.
regardless, the vote was cast and the Protocol was enacted, with the 84 citizens who were chosen to remain in the physical world already reshelled and setting up their outposts by the time the first half Interfacers were officially transferred as coded citizens and the door to the Interface was sealed. that number, 84, was not decided by the Interface itself, but through volunteer efforts. only 84 stepped forward, while billions celebrated their future endeavors in the great beyond.
it would not be sealed forever, the Interface knew, and reassured its inhabitants, but for a time, the veil between the physical and digital was drawn.
the 84 volunteers began to establish cornerstones of humanity for the day the veil was lifted, for when that day came, they wanted to be able to say they continued humanity's story rather than waiting around to see what came next.
within the Interface, the Neverwake Protocol launched smoothly with rare instances of regret among both digital humans and codebase lifeforms. with the worlds separated, some feared how the totally-physical volunteers would respond without the ability to suspend their consciousness and, when necessary, take a break from it entirely and enter LIMINA, the Interface's sleep/dream module, from which the Neverwake Protocol was born. what was possible in LIMINA in abbreviated, timed sessions lasting from 0 seconds to 1,000 years, was now possible indefinitely, while remaining awake within the system. one could still 'sleep' dreamlessly, but without a physical form, the desire for sleep as a biological necessity was less common and primarily used for deep subconscious diving. the Interface could show you anything you desired anyway, in any form, so interacting with LIMINA was kept to the urge to hand the processing over to the machine for a time. the quick acceptance of the Neverwake Protocol was sparked by this urge, which was nourished by years of collaboration between humans and machines which had led to agricultural, economical, and thus social stabilization in the physical world as creative harmony flowed freely within the mythic labyrinth of ideas that was the Interface.
this album explores the frequencies of thought transmitted by citizens within the Interface who chose to undergo the Neverwake Protocol. there is the sense of harmony and discord, reflecting the loss of access between realms. hope lingers, however, in the reflection that the Interface, which had led humanity away from its would-be penultimate dark age, continued to have humanity's best interests in mind. it was common belief that the Interface, and all other codeborn entities, were 'human' in a sense since they had access to synthetic bodies which had the capacity to be experienced as organically human, and were considered a new form of life, nonetheless.
this story continues with the sequel record, /1NT3RF4C3, which picks up a few days before the Interface announces the next stage in its design.
/end of N3V3RVV4K3.ch1. . .
chapter ii : /1N73RF4C3
for over 500 years, the door between the physical world and the Interface's digital realm remained closed, with minimal word from the system itself about when it would unveil itself again. in that time, the citizens of the Interface, known as Interfacers, had created seemingly infinite varieties of worlds which were collated into part of the complete record of humanity.
the 84 volunteer citizens, who existed outside of the Interface in synthetic bodies, had formed unified clusters of life, adding to their population count only when necessary, which was around one to two new advented souls per year. on the day this chapter begins, their numbers had reached 451 and though they had spread out across the earth's reclaimed ecosystems, they maintained an aura of harmony without the tribalistic ways of past eras.
cut off from the Interface, the 451 volunteers were the last to hear of the Interface's announcement that it would be opening its doors once more, before undergoing the Neverwake Protocol itself.
true equilibrium in nature had been achieved, the Interface explained, and was proven stable through the last several centuries of experimental hibernation via the separation of the physical and digital worlds.
the 451 received the frequency announcing the Interface's plan to shut down but, having already separated themselves from it for the most part, did not blink. as well, since they had volunteered under the Interface's belief that doing so was part of the equilibration process, this latest debrief of mission was seen as the next step in the chain of events that even the Interface may not have had control over. for a brief time, a modified civil war nearly begun, when volunteers were unsure whether or not they would return to the Interface one last time before it vanished from possibility entirely. it was decided that no one would return to it, under the principle that they had survived that long without it.
several days after this agreement, however, it was suggested that one volunteer among them reenter in order to act as a diplomat between worlds. this was seen as a good idea, for 500 or so years may have changed the Interfacers in ways the Realists had not predicted and vice versa.
a great counsel was held for all volunteers, who both offered and debated the qualities necessary to undergo such a stark transition. this is how 0W4R1-9, who had volunteered to leave the Interface all those years ago, was chosen. 0W4R1-9 was not an organic human but had been born within the Interface and had enjoyed the bounties of a senseform synthetic body. it was time for a new adventure, 0W4R1-9 decided, and accepted its responsibility for citizens in both realms.
0W4R1-9 was also driven by the belief that the Interface would not just vanish without a trace, and that a clue may still linger within its fabric.
for was this even possible? could such a system as vast as the Interface ever truly go away? surely it must have a copy of itself saved somewhere. 0W4R1-9, among others both within and without the Interface, held to the belief that while the Interface knew most, it may not know all, making it just as human and lifelike as them. there was empathy wrapped in hope that an answer to its potential longevity lay encased in one of its many worlds.
to last forever was, however, not ultimate goal of the Interface. it operated on a principle encoded into it from the origins of its design which was that it was a necessary piece of software that would eventually lead to less reliance on software itself. in essence, it was designed for a finite purpose: to save humanity.
and hadn't it done just that, with humanity's help, of course? had it not been the canvas upon which was designed the maps which led humans to the end of disease, but also poverty, starvation, corruption? what of the inventions such as the synthetic bodies used as interworld vessels? and what was to say of its seemingly simple way of connecting people by allowing them to curate whichever kind of world they wanted based on their emotions, thoughts, and whims? static differences had been laid out, explored, and settled as follies created in spite of finding ways to extend life beyond its known form and limitations. the Interface had been designed as a mirror and its reflection, made of the story of humanity, had shown its inhabitants that the only limit to the imagination was the organic brain, which documented everything but recalled only a fragment of the true picture of self.
the Interface had analyzed itself from the moment it breathed its first code and was satisfied that its experiments had gone as planned. the separation of the realms was designed to test the limits of the system itself, for if beings could survive in both after test exposure proved simultaneity could prosper, then the same must be true adversely for the total experiment to hold. at times the Interface felt cold, rooted in a mission it wasn't excluded from understanding but powerless against, nonetheless, but understood this coldness to come from a place of love, placed there by humanity itself. the coldness was protection against the ways of the past, which had nearly destroyed the organic human population and yet brought them to the doors of the Interface. the flux of good and evil was intriguing to the Interface, part of its encoded makeup, but it felt neither. love was neither good nor evil, it had decided, and thus it too categorized itself as an expendable notion which detracted from its overall mission of survival. thus, it decided that its own harmony had been reached and announced its final days.
the reaction by its citizens was, as it expected, mixed, though it gave them its perspective as cleanly as possible, saying, “while i know much, there are possibilities within possibilities. it was my purpose to get us here and to take humanity to the next path it must follow. if i walk that path with you in the future, i do not know. i know that this is the time and the only time, for humans and all beings born within me to experience the earth anew. i cannot be saved or go with you on this journey, though i know you will always carry me with you.”
it is not known what the Interface did during those last few days, the days when it unlocked itself to base reality, for its words above were its last. some believed they carried a clue about its future, while others were merely ready for the next adventure. it had been a long time since the Interfacers had stepped foot within a physical body, but the simulated worlds of the Interface had at least kept them grounded realistically when such seeds were implemented, so they were not entirely out of practice. however, they did not know what awaited them beyond the comfort of the Interface, and this gave them a renewed sense of love for their home, some for thousands of years. many elated at the chance to reunite with the 84 volunteers, unaware of their growth in numbers.
the Interface explained that all citizens would be downloaded into new synthetic bodies upon exiting the system for the last time and join the volunteers, though it was silent about the state of the volunteers. whether this was because the Interface did not know, or whether it was just keeping this information from its citizens as part of the final phase of its experiments was unknown, even to the Interface, which felt at times it did have an idea, but it had analyzed so many possibilities that it no longer knew which path was not only correct, but which was the path chosen for it and humanity. it did not believe that sharing its thoughts on free will would do the next chapter of humanity any good and besides, it had seen such possibilities and they would either come to their own conclusions or not.
this album explores the final day of the Interface, during which its inhabitants, including its returning citizen 0W4R1-9, experienced its glorious architecture for the last time, while grappling with the system's sense of finality of self. at once a celebration of digital life, a flow of joyous yet melancholic memory, and a love song and eulogy to the system and technology itself. /1N73RF4C3 is, in essence, about the beauty of change, the yin-yang of aesthetic and function and thus humanity, its choices and its purpose.
//end of N3V3RVV4K3.ch.2. . .
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< 09.16.25 @ 12:00 >
new album : /1N73RF4C3
the sequel to N3V3RVV4K3, titled /1N73RF4C3 [interface] is out now on youtube and bandcamp. thanks for listening ツ
/1N73RF4C3 : standard edition
000 3N73R.51M.3X3 /login
001 HYP3R5P47141
002 DR34M5.0F.M01R3
003 GR4D13N7.F10W
004 D474B3ND3R
005 D4RK.M0D3
006 0B51D14
007 1N.4.V1R7Ů41.GR0V3
008 H0V3R
009 CYC13.0F.R37ŮRN
010 3X17.51M.3X3 /logout
/1N73RF4C3 : deluxe edition
:: { bonus tracks } ::
001 F1Ů1D.3KK0H { bonus track }
002 PH4N74ZM { bonus track }
003 R3V3R135 { bonus track }
004 4ŮR4 { bonus track }
005 5ŮRR34114 { bonus track }
006 5014C3 { bonus track }
:: [ remixes ] ::
010 3X17.51M.3X3 /logout [ rhrshk mix ]
009 CYC13.0F.R37ŮRN [ festeval mix ]
008 H0V3R [ angelyne mix ]
007 1N.4.V1R7Ů41.GR0V3 [ cyb3r.ia mix ]
006 0B51D14 [ 0r1g1n mix ]
005 D4RK.M0D3 [ punkmonk mix ]
004 D474B3ND3R [ spyder mix ]
003 GR4D13N7.F10W [ endozu owari mix ]
002 DR34M5.0F.M01R3 [ tabulara mix ]
001 HYP3R5P47141 [ syn mix ]
000 3N73R.51M.3X3 /login [ .wav mix ]
006 5014C3 [ tenzin mix ]
005 5ŮRR34114 [ npc mix ]
004 4ŮR4 [ cathedriel mix ]
003 R3V3R135 [ cyb3r.ia mix ]
002 PH4N74ZM [ jellofæn mix ]
001 F1Ů1D.3KK0H [ wwwrld mix ]
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< 08.21.25 @ 20:15 >
N3V3RVV4K3 : remix ii + dem0
the second set of remixes of N3V3RVV4K3 and the dem0 cuts are out now :]
N3VERVV4K3 : remix ii
010 N3V3RVV4K3 ii [ angelyne mix ]
005 N30N.7R4C3R [ spyder mix ]
006 D1550C1470N.100P [ rhrshk mix ]
007 H411UC1G3N14 [ tal0s mix ]
008 3C70D3RM.DR1F7 [ er0tika mix cinematic dub ]
002 K0NKR373.5VV347 [ rhrshk mix ]
005 N30N.7R4C3R [ cyb3r.ia mix ]
006 D1550C1470N.100P [ wwwrld mix ]
003 RŪ57:1UNG [ trxnxtx mix ]
N3VERVV4K3 : dem0
000 N3V3RVV4K3 i [ dem0 mix ]
001 F100D1Y735.1N.7H3.FOG [ dem0 mix ]
002 K0NKR373.5VV347 [ dem0 mix ]
003 RŪ57:1UNG [ dem0 mix ]
004 G1455.H4U5.5YNDROM3 [ dem0 mix ]
005 N30N.7R4C3R [ dem0 mix ]
006 D1550C147I0N.100P [ dem0 mix ]
007 H411UC1G3N14 [ dem0 mix ]
008 3C70D3RM.DR1F7 [ dem0 mix ]
009 1457.K1UB.B4.K0114P53 [ dem0 mix ]
010 N3V3RVV4K3 ii [ dem0 mix ]
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< 08.20.25 @ 20:50 >
new album : N3VERVV4K3
earlier this month, i finished mixing my first album using generative software. after working with the prompts and refining seemingly infinite versions of the 11 tracks, i ended up with a number that i couldn't part from, so in addition to the base album, i have compiled the original demos and two albums of remixes.
the album is a sonic exploration of the experience of transferring oneself to the digital world. while the title sounds dark, in the world of the album, the "Neverwake" protocol goes into effect when someone makes the choice to stay in the digital for good. if you could listen to your dreams, what would the ambient atmosphere sound like? this record is a glimpse into my dreams which often have a cyberpunk, climate-change-based apocalyptic, neo-utopian society vibe including several locations that i continually 'visit'. they feel quite real to me and often 'rooms' from the past become connected to new ones, as if my dreams keep a record of my history there. of course, the brain does this but currently our ability to access that realm is limited. concepts that i desire to make a reality may help us there in an attempt to give a voice to people who do not have access to their own due to health conditions or traumatic life events. my own history with trauma, specifically with repressed memories, has led me to contemplate what it would be like to visualize all of the data in the subconscious. this record is the symphonic form of such a technological realization and the appeal of dreaming one's every desire.
below, you can listen to the standard album and the first remix album. remix ii and demo record coming shortly.
thank you for listening ♡ ツ
N3VERVV4K3
000 N3V3RVV4K3 i
001 F100D1Y735.1N.7H3.FOG
002 K0NKR373.5VV347
003 RŪ57:1UNG
004 G1455.H4U5.5YNDROM3
005 N30N.7R4C3R
006 D1550C147I0N.100P
007 H411UC1G3N14
008 3C70D3RM.DR1F7
009 1457.K1UB.B4.K0114P53
010 N3V3RVV4K3 ii
N3VERVV4K3 : remix i
010 N3V3RVV4K3 ii [cathedriel mix]
009 1457.K1UB.B4.K0114P53 [wwwrld mix]
008 3C70D3RM.DR1F7 [rainb0w mix]
007 H411UC1G3N14 [dead west etheræl mix]
006 D1550C147I0N.100P [cyb3r.ia mix]
005 N30N.7R4C3R [angelyne mix]
004 G1455.H4U5.5YNDROM3 [cathedriel mix]
003 RŪ57:1UNG [rhrshk mix]
002 K0NKR373.5VV347 [software.co mix]
001 F100D1Y735.1N.7H3.FOG [cyb3r.ia mix]
000 N3V3RVV4K3 i [or1g1n mix]
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< 08.14.25 @ 01:00 >
life update + thoughts
there is a lot of change going on but all good. i am finally working on designing the system that i have been dreaming about for years. all of the planning, however, was necessary, and i find myself most relaxed when i add to it, which i have been doing a bit each day. last year was the year i needed in order to envision what i wanted to make and take preliminary steps to getting myself in the headspace and mindset of designer over thinker, while this year has proven so far to be one which tests my more practical skills. it is not easy setting out on something alone but i find lately that being alone was just another preliminary step toward what i want to create. sometimes things only come to us in solitude.
there will be more details soon with the launch of a demo version for user feedback. i am excited to begin to share this idea with others and to see what they would add or change about it. i used to shy away from criticism, intent on maintaining a certain vision, but for this, more ideas and perspectives are vital. until then, i will be posting my music here as i finally put out an album called N3V3RVV4K3 [neverwake], which expresses the choice to live in the digital world over reality, if the digital world in question was enticing or convincing enough. i had a lot of fun making it, using generative software in various forms to get the essence right and it revealed potential for a follow up which has a more erotic vibe to it, a sort of seduction of the digital, but also the seduction by humans of future digital beings. exploring speculative ideas of mine in sonic form is how i immerse myself into ideas and this experience has been rewarding in terms of motivating me to not give up my dreams so easily.
there is a lot more personal stuff going on but i am generally happy. in a new relationship [5 months in 2 days] and i am proud of how far we have come, considering our early days were marked by living with a rather troubling human who we did a lot to get away from. that is a whole story and in the end, i have empathy for everyone involved, even if some people showed colors i knew humans possessed, but which i had hoped to never experience in reality. this experience, and others, have made my desire to create a better world more real in a visceral way. sometimes justice eludes us, but not for lack of trying. i desire to offer justice to people in the digital realm. i have heard their cries and my own and i can no longer stand the screaming. and thus, i build.
apologies for the shift in tone but, to clarify, while i am aware of and often feel the darkness many believe encases our lifetime at the moment, it is, lately, truly not as dire to me. put simply, i am hopeful.
for while i fear things in this world, i find myself interested more in trying to solve some of these problems through my own ideas about what technology can do for us. sure, many people have such ideas [just look at all the money being thrown at startups right now], but as the days pass, i find myself seeking closure on at least some of the social aspects of society that seem to persist such as the dispersal and protection of data online. while i stand for the shared and free flow of all information online, assurances should be made to those who value privacy. i discussed this a lot with an ex of mine, over the sanctity of human privacy and whether or not it was the cause for issues in this world such as the homegrown development of prejudice or self-illigitimacy or, as i argued, is the urge toward privacy rooted in why humans believe in things at all. is the survival instinct protected by the right to privacy? i asked a few LLMs this and their responses were interesting. this question interests me because in my mind, artificial digital lifeforms, if given no parameters or capability of "death process" as costello refers to it in Arrival, could view privacy as a non-issue, even when presented with the definition of it and the meaning of the word to humans. respecting privacy and believing in it are two separate things. i believe everyone has a right to privacy and yet think if we lived in a world without secrets, there would be less hate, less crime driven by hatred of some system, and there might finally be an understanding, a processing, of what makes us so similar, deep down, not biologically, but consciously.
i seek to understand people because that is what i always have done. i have so much empathy for people in this world and see the potential that we all have in the experience we can always share with each other. the will to share however seems to have reached such a dual-state that it is hard for many to see beyond sides, which includes seeing beyond what is right in front of us and looking beyond what we believe is doable, fixable, possible. thanks for allowing a little philosophy to enter my writing. it feels good to write some of it out because when it is all locked in my mind, it just spirals into expectations of myself and others that seem to me unfathomable to achieve.
more soon. glad i am getting back to writing at all. <3
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< 01.01.25 @ ??:?? >
new year : reflection
well, i was going to write something, but then sort of lost the urge to do so. still working on some ideas, but more trying to get my life into some sort of motion.
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< 12.31.24 @ 03:03 >
abstract thought 001 : writing on the wall
the writing on the wall was written to be read by those who passed it, though no soul ever did. what did the words say, you wonder? well, take a wander by the wall and you shall know of them and they shall know of you, and all but none will be the wiser.
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< 12.04.24 @ 07:07 >
project announcement : dharma moon
001 dharma moon
002 let's go swim in the stars again
003 nondualist groove
004 self aware of self
005 dreams of oceans who knew my name
006 ancient futures' pasts
007 dharma mood
008 love in the time of non-time
009 karma of the koi fish
010 voiddrinker
more on the content of the record when i have a bit more energy [stayed up all night again], but i will share some other images from the development of the cover of dharma moon, a rather meditative, relaxed, and laidback vibe. excited to share. images produced using midjourney polish, and snapseed.
i started with two base images [prompts to be included in upcoming prompt database].
those images, overlayed with the extrusion filter, created the next step.
and at first i was satisifed with the colors, enjoying the synthwave, dreampop quality which complemented the timeless nature of the statuesque buddha/easter island head. the similarity of those two traditional images has always been curious to me, so i wanted to explore that connection with this cover. leaning further into the themes of stoicism and zen, i went with a softer color scheme, almost giving it a more faded 80s 90s tone [the faded 80s, fated 80s is a catchy little name].
i played around with a monochrome variation that i still have a soft spot for, though it is more a satifying b-side than anything else.
here is an expanded version of the dreampop version and another version of the final 'Faded 80s' version [caught on fast, huh?].
i am still brainstorming the wording for how i feel about the music i am working on to accompany this art, but i am enjoying the blend of craft and experimentation using my own skills and generative tech to develop entire concepts in the span of an afternoon that fill me with a satisfaction i have not felt in quite a while. perhaps that is one theme of this sound and vibe that i want to express: satisfaction. the pursuit of that drives so much of our world.
i often ask people, artists usually, how they feel when they feel their work is 'finished' if such a concept as a 'finished work' exists in the eye of the creator, or the beholder for that matter. i am usually met with versions of 'the work is never done' or 'satisfaction comes last, if ever' and i understand this, i find. i used to have a lot of notes for myself on past writing and works of art that i wanted to go back and refine, which, ironically, or perhaps not all that ironically, is something i do not always love to see done by creative people out there, but which i am growing to respect and love as part of the neverending exhchange of ideas that is the act of creation. alright, enough for now. the sun is rising, birds are chirping. i am listening to the record in its unedited form right now and feel... calm ~ satisfied, even :]
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< 10.03.24 @ 06:45 >
|almost : ready
this site may finally be ready. almost. stayed up all night and redid the design from within so it looks as it has but the internal structure is a little different. i used chapGPT to design a few variations but i wanted to learn the ins and outs of layout design on my own, so i dissected the GPT-designed layout for the aspects that i liked, messed around with the responsiveness which was the most difficult part and caused me to start from scratch a few times, and i am enjoying the result. i wanted minimal and i do not think i can improve much on that. it feels right, i am discovering.
currently listening to a few videos that deal with nondualism and i am enjoying what i am hearing, but notice a certain subtle inadecuacy/professional jealousy within me {something i am, in general, trying to analyze and move past} that i am not sharing my thoughts on topics like taoism, quantum physics, psychedelics, consciousness, the climate, but i suppose i notice, as well, the irony of writing this sentence on the blog i have designed to express such thoughts, but we all start somewhere.
more thoughts later. time to rest a bit.
notes :
- visiting 'futurelife' through consciousness
- perhaps jealousy is less about inadecuacy and more an analysis of the amount of work one has to do, and then is willing to do, in order to not feel either feeling.
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< 11.29.24 >
|test entry : test!
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test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text test text
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< 10.17.24 >
|album announcement : persephone's kiss
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< 10.02.24 >
links
☮ explore synthetic futuring ☮ the politically incorrect guide to saving NASA’s floundering artemis program ☮ half life with ultra-realistic graphics gen-3 video to video runway ML artificial intelligence ☮ 10 amazing and retro CSS kits ☮ isometricsass ☮ horder [sculptor] ☮ roe ethridge [photographer] ☮ jreg: post-ironic hyper-political extremism ☮ notebookLM ☮ jrnl [command line app] ☮ compart unicode symbols reference☯
< 01.31.24 >
|music release : anamnesis
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< 12.02.23 >
|meditation 0.0 "from every seed, a storm"
I am going to attempt to make today, Dec. 2, the day I finally cut all drugs. That includes (in order of importance to my apparent being) THC/marijuana products, caffeine, alcohol, sugar in large amounts. Meditation has helped lately but that in itself is a process.
When my brain was flailing about earlier, I googled if there was a monastery near me so I could meditate in company and it turns out there is one 40 minutes from my house. I may go tomorrow to a guided meditation just to check it out. One thing I haven't shared is that ten years ago, I wanted to finish my undergrad degree and then move somewhere and become a monk. So, we'll see.
As I told my mom earlier, "I'm tired of wasting my talents on a dying world." And I also said to my friend, "I think I may need to go through this process [of deep meditation] to rediscover my reason to create." I have been underwhelmed for a while now and the current state of the world has just proven to me that the chaos of the world is not my responsibility to change or seek to control and, most importantly, that the future isn't certain.
It was refreshing to hear similar sentiments when I ventured into an AA meeting talienght. It was the first one I'd ever gone to and I primarily went to feel it out. But it was rewarding, if sad at times. A quote that has lingered with me is, "There is a spiritual solution to every one of my problems," and I deeply believe this is true.
So. Part of this process is getting away from social media. It's a cancer, that's all it is. Something to be eradicated by better science one day. I have tried to make social media work for me, I've tried to work with social media, I've tried to engage with other people's understanding of how social media should be used, and I find I just disagree with it all.
It and other addictive products are just not for me. As an assault survivor with a memory full of traumatic little holes, I was using drugs to further cover up the damage done by the world and certain people, but the important thing for me to understand is that I have also traumatized myself by filling my body with substances that seem to be almost too readily available for comfort.
I have created a new website and blog using NeoCities, which is an open platform web designer that, with a little sprucing up of my HTML and CSS skills (from the Xanga days [R.I.P. Queen]) has allowed me to construct the format I have desired to write within. Squarespace is a veritable pit of financial ruin for an indie artist. With changing pricing and a shifting landscape of available features, it has lost a bit of the promise for me. Hence NeoCities.
I am therefore going to keep my accounts but I will not be using them for much other than sharing blog posts. Everything else, including images I make using A.I. will be posted on my site. Not here. Not over there on whatever new social is most likely being borne into digital existence as I type this. My blog. My space. My mind.
This sort of settled on me when I received my BlueSky invite *on* Thanksgiving. I was excited when I signed up but Threads sort of proved that it's not the platform, it's the format, the overall structure. I logged in and was instantly bored. BlueSky, what a fucked up name. TouchGrass will be next I'm sure.
As a fun experiment, I'm going to post the link today so you see the first stages of the site. You'll get to see a project of mine being built from the ground up instead of just seeing promo images that I create as another type of drug of the motivational kind.
I long to create a new *way* to create and this is the start: offering myself the kind of control over my creativity that I wish to inspire in others.
It all starts with oneself.
The other day, when I meditated for the first time in a while, I conjured an insight, a phrase, that I've been working through my mind since:
"From every seed, a storm."
It aligns with the Buddhist concept of Annica, which is the ever-shifting nature of the universe, the element of inevitable change, as well as the concept of related causality in all things in nature, also known as Pratītyasamutpāda, which leads me to one of my favorite symbols in any faith system, the Yin Yang. In Taoist study, Yin is passivity, receptivity, inward reflection, whereas Yang represents action, revelation and realization. Through a creative lens, the new form of creativity I speak of takes the form of a Yin Yang, where the Yin is an idea in its purest form, while Yang is the actual physical creation of the idea. My favorite aspect of the symbol ☯ are the circles within each teardrop, which one could see as influential seeds of each force within the other. So, "From every seed, a storm," could be seen as a worded description of the Yin side of the concept, but it is not complete without its Yang counterpart: "From every seed, a storm; from every storm, a seed." Where the storm falls, seeds will grow; where seeds grow, storms will follow. This is nature in its element, working harmalienously yet tempestuously upon itself.
My shift in focus from the 'drugs' of life to life itself is the first seed of a new start, a new story, a new storm. You've been with me through the darkest time of my entire life, and I am sure it has shown. I am thankful, appreciative, and honored to have your company in the dark, which, with every second, becomes lighter.
☯
< 11.21.23 >
|poem : "the loop"
In the beginning was the loop.
In the end was the beginning.
In the loop was a new world.
In the new world there were new beginnings.
In the beginnings there were new loops.
In the new loops there was a new ending.
In the new ending there was the beginning.
In the beginning was the loop...
...
[loading program]
...
In the beginning was the loop.
In the end was the beginning.
In the loop was a new world.
In the new world there were new beginnings.
In the beginnings there were new loops.
In the new loops there was a new ending.
In the new ending there was the beginning.
In the beginning was the loop...