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< 01.01.25 @ ??:?? >
new year : reflection
well, i was going to write something, but then sort of lost the urge to do so. still working on some ideas, but more trying to get my life into some sort of motion.
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< 12.31.24 @ 03:03 >
abstract thought 001 : writing on the wall
the writing on the wall was written to be read by those who passed it, though no soul ever did. what did the words say, you wonder? well, take a wander by the wall and you shall know of them and they shall know of you, and all but none will be the wiser.
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< 12.04.24 @ 07:07 >
project announcement : dharma moon
001 dharma moon
002 let's go swim in the stars again
003 nondualist groove
004 self aware of self
005 dreams of oceans who knew my name
006 ancient futures' pasts
007 dharma mood
008 love in the time of non-time
009 karma of the koi fish
010 voiddrinker
more on the content of the record when i have a bit more energy [stayed up all night again], but i will share some other images from the development of the cover of dharma moon, a rather meditative, relaxed, and laidback vibe. excited to share. images produced using midjourney polish, and snapseed.
i started with two base images [prompts to be included in upcoming prompt database].
those images, overlayed with the extrusion filter, created the next step.
and at first i was satisifed with the colors, enjoying the synthwave, dreampop quality which complemented the timeless nature of the statuesque buddha/easter island head. the similarity of those two traditional images has always been curious to me, so i wanted to explore that connection with this cover. leaning further into the themes of stoicism and zen, i went with a softer color scheme, almost giving it a more faded 80s 90s tone [the faded 80s, fated 80s is a catchy little name].
i played around with a monochrome variation that i still have a soft spot for, though it is more a satifying b-side than anything else.
here is an expanded version of the dreampop version and another version of the final 'Faded 80s' version [caught on fast, huh?].
i am still brainstorming the wording for how i feel about the music i am working on to accompany this art, but i am enjoying the blend of craft and experimentation using my own skills and generative tech to develop entire concepts in the span of an afternoon that fill me with a satisfaction i have not felt in quite a while. perhaps that is one theme of this sound and vibe that i want to express: satisfaction. the pursuit of that drives so much of our world.
i often ask people, artists usually, how they feel when they feel their work is 'finished' if such a concept as a 'finished work' exists in the eye of the creator, or the beholder for that matter. i am usually met with versions of 'the work is never done' or 'satisfaction comes last, if ever' and i understand this, i find. i used to have a lot of notes for myself on past writing and works of art that i wanted to go back and refine, which, ironically, or perhaps not all that ironically, is something i do not always love to see done by creative people out there, but which i am growing to respect and love as part of the neverending exhchange of ideas that is the act of creation. alright, enough for now. the sun is rising, birds are chirping. i am listening to the record in its unedited form right now and feel... calm ~ satisfied, even :]
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< 10.03.24 @ 06:45 >
|almost : ready
this site may finally be ready. almost. stayed up all night and redid the design from within so it looks as it has but the internal structure is a little different. i used chapGPT to design a few variations but i wanted to learn the ins and outs of layout design on my own, so i dissected the GPT-designed layout for the aspects that i liked, messed around with the responsiveness which was the most difficult part and caused me to start from scratch a few times, and i am enjoying the result. i wanted minimal and i do not think i can improve much on that. it feels right, i am discovering.
currently listening to a few videos that deal with nondualism and i am enjoying what i am hearing, but notice a certain subtle inadecuacy/professional jealousy within me {something i am, in general, trying to analyze and move past} that i am not sharing my thoughts on topics like taoism, quantum physics, psychedelics, consciousness, the climate, but i suppose i notice, as well, the irony of writing this sentence on the blog i have designed to express such thoughts, but we all start somewhere.
more thoughts later. time to rest a bit.
notes :
- visiting 'futurelife' through consciousness
- perhaps jealousy is less about inadecuacy and more an analysis of the amount of work one has to do, and then is willing to do, in order to not feel either feeling.
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< 11.29.24 >
|test entry : test!
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< 10.17.24 >
|album announcement : persephone's kiss
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< 10.02.24 >
links
☮ explore synthetic futuring ☮ the politically incorrect guide to saving NASA’s floundering artemis program ☮ half life with ultra-realistic graphics gen-3 video to video runway ML artificial intelligence ☮ 10 amazing and retro CSS kits ☮ isometricsass ☮ horder [sculptor] ☮ roe ethridge [photographer] ☮ jreg: post-ironic hyper-political extremism ☮ notebookLM ☮ jrnl [command line app] ☮ compart unicode symbols reference☯
< 01.31.24 >
|music release : anamnesis
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< 12.02.23 >
|meditation 0.0 "from every seed, a storm"
I am going to attempt to make today, Dec. 2, the day I finally cut all drugs. That includes (in order of importance
to my apparent being) THC/marijuana products, caffeine, alcohol, sugar in large amounts. Meditation has
helped lately but that in itself is a process.
When my brain was flailing about earlier, I googled if there was a monastery near me so I could meditate in
company and it turns out there is one 40 minutes from my house. I may go tomorrow to a guided meditation just
to check it out. One thing I haven't shared is that ten years ago, I wanted to finish my undergrad degree and
then move somewhere and become a monk. So, we'll see.
As I told my mom earlier, "I'm tired of wasting my talents on a dying world." And I also said to my friend, "I
think I may need to go through this process [of deep meditation] to rediscover my reason to create." I have
been underwhelmed for a while now and the current state of the world has just proven to me that the chaos of
the world is not my responsibility to change or seek to control and, most importantly, that the future isn't
certain.
It was refreshing to hear similar sentiments when I ventured into an AA meeting talienght. It was the first one
I'd ever gone to and I primarily went to feel it out. But it was rewarding, if sad at times. A quote that has
lingered with me is, "There is a spiritual solution to every one of my problems," and I deeply believe this is
true.
So. Part of this process is getting away from social media. It's a cancer, that's all it is. Something to be
eradicated by better science one day. I have tried to make social media work for me, I've tried to work with
social media, I've tried to engage with other people's understanding of how social media should be used, and I
find I just disagree with it all.
It and other addictive products are just not for me. As an assault survivor with a memory full of traumatic
little holes, I was using drugs to further cover up the damage done by the world and certain people, but the
important thing for me to understand is that I have also traumatized myself by filling my body with substances
that seem to be almost too readily available for comfort.
I have created a new website and blog using NeoCities, which is an open platform web designer that, with a
little sprucing up of my HTML and CSS skills (from the Xanga days [R.I.P. Queen]) has allowed me to construct
the format I have desired to write within. Squarespace is a veritable pit of financial ruin for an indie artist.
With changing pricing and a shifting landscape of available features, it has lost a bit of the promise for me.
Hence NeoCities.
I am therefore going to keep my accounts but I will not be using them for much other than sharing blog posts.
Everything else, including images I make using A.I. will be posted on my site. Not here. Not over there on
whatever new social is most likely being borne into digital existence as I type this. My blog. My space. My
mind.
This sort of settled on me when I received my BlueSky invite *on* Thanksgiving. I was excited when I signed up
but Threads sort of proved that it's not the platform, it's the format, the overall structure. I logged in and was
instantly bored. BlueSky, what a fucked up name. TouchGrass will be next I'm sure.
As a fun experiment, I'm going to post the link today so you see the first stages of the site. You'll get to see
a project of mine being built from the ground up instead of just seeing promo images that I create as another
type of drug of the motivational kind.
I long to create a new *way* to create and this is the start: offering myself the kind of control over my
creativity that I wish to inspire in others.
It all starts with oneself.
The other day, when I meditated for the first time in a while, I conjured an insight, a phrase, that I've been
working through my mind since:
"From every seed, a storm."
It aligns with the Buddhist concept of Annica, which is the ever-shifting nature of the universe, the element
of inevitable change, as well as the concept of related causality in all things in nature, also known as
Pratītyasamutpāda, which leads me to one of my favorite symbols in any faith system, the Yin Yang. In Taoist
study, Yin is passivity, receptivity, inward reflection, whereas Yang represents action, revelation and
realization. Through a creative lens, the new form of creativity I speak of takes the form of a Yin Yang, where
the Yin is an idea in its purest form, while Yang is the actual physical creation of the idea. My favorite aspect
of the symbol ☯ are the circles within each teardrop, which one could see as influential seeds of each force
within the other. So, "From every seed, a storm," could be seen as a worded description of the Yin side of the
concept, but it is not complete without its Yang counterpart: "From every seed, a storm; from every storm, a
seed." Where the storm falls, seeds will grow; where seeds grow, storms will follow. This is nature in its
element, working harmalienously yet tempestuously upon itself.
My shift in focus from the 'drugs' of life to life itself is the first seed of a new start, a new story, a new
storm. You've been with me through the darkest time of my entire life, and I am sure it has shown. I am
thankful, appreciative, and honored to have your company in the dark, which, with every second, becomes
lighter.
☯
< 11.21.23 >
|poem : "the loop"
In the beginning was the loop.
In the end was the beginning.
In the loop was a new world.
In the new world there were new beginnings.
In the beginnings there were new loops.
In the new loops there was a new ending.
In the new ending there was the beginning.
In the beginning was the loop...
...
[loading program]
...
In the beginning was the loop.
In the end was the beginning.
In the loop was a new world.
In the new world there were new beginnings.
In the beginnings there were new loops.
In the new loops there was a new ending.
In the new ending there was the beginning.
In the beginning was the loop...